Introduction Letter

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Dear Professor Brad,

My name is Tha Zin Wint Htel but feel free to address me as Thazin. I would like to introduce myself to you as a first year engineering student from Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). 

Since I was young, I have enjoyed mathematics and have also been fond of looking at the unique designs of the buildings. In 2016, after my high school matriculation exam, I came to Singapore for summer holidays. During my stay here, I took an entrance exam for construction engineering course and got an opportunity to study basic knowledge about designs and structures of the construction works at Building Construction Authority Academy (BCAA) and graduated in 2019.

I spent fifteen years of my youth in Myanmar and learnt English as a second language. I can say that I'm an active listener because I always pay attention and respect the person who is speaking to me. I avoid other distractions such as cell phones or laptops, and I prepare comments or ideas to respond thoughtfully.

During high school, I used to be very friendly and participated in all activities. However, when I came to Singapore, I faced some difficulties in communicating with my foreign friends. The lack of my communication skills keeps me a distant from my classmates, which makes me want to improve in that area. Additionally, during presentation, I get too excited and even forget some of the prepared scripts. I always seek out useful tips to overcome my speech anxiety, but it is not as effective as I thought it would be. So, I need some steps forward in presenting on stage.

By the end of this effective communication module, I hope I will have a greater confidence, enjoy public speaking and make new friends.

With regards,
Tha Zin Wint Htel
CVE1281 Group 5

 Commented on Ken Wen and Cen Wei
Latest Edited on 30-Jan-2020

Comments

  1. SharifJanuary 22, 2020 at 8:30 AM

    Dear Thazin,

    I would like to start off with welcoming you to our country. I am certain that it has been quite a journey since you first started studying here in Singapore. Your letter is very concise of your unique background, strength and weakness. I hope that you will eventually overcome your communication obstacles in the near future.

    Moving forward, I have found some areas that you could consider to change to improve this letter.

    In the second paragraph, the letter "M" in "Mathematics" should be in small letter as only subjects in language need to be capital. Also in the second paragraph, you should change the phrase "and also fond of..." to "and I was also fond of".

    In the third paragraph, you do not need the word "age" in the first sentence as "youth" would be sufficient. Also, you can remove the phrase "I can say that" as you can start with "I am an active listener".

    In the fourth paragraph, you should split the the first sentence "...and participated in all activities but when I came...." and change the word "but" to "However" as I found it weird and long to read it. It could sound like "...and participated in all activities", place a full stop right after "activities" and then continue with "However, when I came to Singapore, I ...". In the next sentence, you could rephrase "keeps me a distant away from my classmates" to "makes me feel distant from my classmates" to phrase it better. Next, you can start with "During presentation" and remove "And also". After that, rephrase "I'm too excited and even forget" to "I get too excited and forget some...".You need to add the word "as" before the word "effective" to make it sound proper.

    Besides all the points noted, your content and organisation of the letter is good. I hope to read more of your letters in the future

    Best regards,
    Muhd Sharifuddin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ThazinJanuary 28, 2020 at 12:45 AM

      Dear Sharif,

      Thank you for your comments. It's useful for me since I get some ideas to improve my letter from your point outs.

      Regards,
      Thazin

      Delete
  2. JSJanuary 23, 2020 at 12:56 AM

    Dear Thazin,

    Thank you for writing the introduction letter. It certainly helps Professor Blackstone and your classmates to know you better.

    If I may, I would like to highlight certain portions of the introduction letter that I think can be improved on.

    In the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph, "Since I was young, Mathematics is one of my favorite subjects..." implies that Mathematics is your favorite subject because you were young. This does make sense. Hence it should be amended to "Mathematics is one of my favorite subjects since young. I am also fond of looking at the unique designs of the buildings."

    In the 1st sentence of the 3rd paragraph, remove the word "age" as it is redundant.

    In the last sentence of the 3rd paragraph, the lack of a "," between the words "laptops" and "and" implies that preparing comments or ideas to respond thoughtfully is a distraction. Hence it should be amended to "I avoid other distractions such as cell phones or laptops, and I prepare comments or ideas to respond thoughtfully." Note the inclusion of the word "I" in the 2nd clause.

    In the 3rd sentence of the 4th paragraph, replace "And also" with "Additionally" for formality reasons. Replace "I'm" with "I am" for formality as well. In the next sentence, replace "it's" with "it is" for formality reasons.

    In the last sentence of the 4th paragraph, I am unsure of the proper usage of "some steps forward". You may wish to check with Professor Blackstone on the proper usage.

    In the last paragraph, I think you meant "By the end of this effective communication module,..." instead of "By the end of this effective communication class,..."

    I am confident you will certainly be able to gain confidence and improve your public speaking skills at the end of this module, not to mention making new friends. I also note that your letter covered the main objectives set out in this assignment. Good job!

    I hope to read more of your writings in future.

    Best Regards
    Lim Jiang Seng

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ThazinJanuary 30, 2020 at 6:19 AM

      Dear JS,

      Thank you for giving your time in reading my letter and giving feedback. It is helpful for me to improve my formal writing skills. I am looking forward your comments in the future.

      Regards,
      Thazin

      Delete
  3. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 24, 2020 at 8:56 PM

    Dear Thazin,

    Thank you for your sharing in this post. It's interesting to note that you have been studying design for quite a long time. My questions when I read this multiply: How did you start your journey to study in Singapore? How did you come to enroll in the BCA Academy?

    You do a good job of reviewing your comm skill strength and weakness, and you provide clear supports. You also address you goals. Your peers have given some decent feedback in terms of language use. I will add to that and hope to clarify a few points:

    1. sentence structure
    -- Since I was young, Mathematics is one of my favorite subjects and also fond of looking at the unique designs of the buildings. > (phrasing, syntax)
    Since I was young, I have enjoyed math and have also been fond of looking at the unique designs of the buildings.
    -- I hope I will have a greater confidence, enjoyment of public speaking and making new friends. > (parallel structures)
    I hope I will have a greater confidence, enjoy public speaking and make new friends.

    2. punctuation
    -- During high school, I used to be very friendly and participated in all activities but when I came...
    > During high school, I used to be very friendly and participated in all activities, but when I came...

    -- away from my classmates which makes me > away from my classmates, which makes me

    -- I always seek out useful tips to overcome my speech anxiety but it's not effective as I thought it would be. > ?

    This being said, I want to add that I am very impressed by your English language skills. You might add a statement in the letter about how your English journey began.

    I look forward to learning more from you this term.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ThazinJanuary 30, 2020 at 6:10 AM

      Dear Brad,

      Thank you for taking your time to read my letter. I learn a lot from your feedback and I am looking forward to learn more in the future. Please feel free to correct me when I make mistakes.

      Best regards,
      Thazin

      Delete
  4. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 30, 2020 at 10:11 PM

    You're welcome, Thazin. Thanks for the effort.

    ReplyDelete

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